I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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