Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
