And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
