I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
