ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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