I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
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