Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
