Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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