I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Randomize
