he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
