Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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