He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
