Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
