Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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