we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
