Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
this is an emotional support booty call
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
