Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
