How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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