i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
