1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize