i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
