Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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