suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
