I can't breathe out the right side of my face
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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