Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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