Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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