he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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