The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
