I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
