Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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