he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
