and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize