Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
why does every cop we meet know your name?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
