i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
