Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
