hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
