Someone shit on the floor
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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