just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
