wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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