Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
