Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
