Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
