I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
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