"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
