i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
