I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I will pee on everything he values.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
