It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize
