I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
