I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i came on her dog
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
