I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize