im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
