He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Randomize
