i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
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