Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
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