Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize