Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
