I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
