on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
