i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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