yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
And then the night went full on bisexual.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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