How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Drake has all the answers
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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