Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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