Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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