My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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