You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
