when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
