but the lizard people decide everything anyway
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
