dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
