Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
