He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
