I'm gonna have a badass scar
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Randomize
