I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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