You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
There's always time for handjobs
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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