You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
