at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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