hotel room ftw
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Be still, my beating vagina.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
