I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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