shes about as inviting as chlamydia
im about as happy as oj after his trial
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
