I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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