Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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