We named our party play list daddy issues
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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