Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
