I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
