We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
