Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Found the puke drawer
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
