After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Randomize
