I CAN MOONWALK!
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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