kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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