marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
