i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Randomize
