and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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