can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
