dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
