So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
