lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
