What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
