She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
